Ralston Valley [e]Xpress Newspaper

The top four inventions that are stupider than their inventors:

1. The Snuggie

What idiot would buy this? It is a robe, but backwards. I’m pretty sure that’s how it was “invented,” some moron put a robe on backwards, and said, “OH MY GOD!!! I FIGURED IT OUT!!! THE SNUGGIE HAS BEEN BORN!!! Because regular blankets are too tricky? Is your house really so cold that answering the phone in your house would just be TOO cold. I mean I understand the use of the Snuggie for Eskimos, who could actually lose an arm because it actually is TOO cold. If you’re too broke to afford enough heat in your house, and do not want to leave a blanket, I doubt you have the $20 to buy a Snuggie. Seriously…

2. Toilet Paper Nose Blowing Hat

The name really says it all. It’s a really terrible invention. Besides the fact that you look ridiculous while wearing it. You don’t even get to wipe your nose with real tissues, you’ve got to use toilet paper to wipe your nose. It would be a great invention if your butt was on your face, not your nose. That is just poor planning.

3. Pet Rock

Are you really that lonely? It’s a rock, dude, find some friends. But in truth, I’m glad a man finally domesticated…rocks. Those wild rocks were really becoming overpopulated. Wow, that’s sad. And the worst part is, some guy made millions of dollars…by putting rocks into boxes and selling them to people. If you see anyone who has a pet rock, pick up a free rock, and throw it at them.

4. Braille on Drive Up ATMs

Think about it, BLIND PEOPLE DON’T DRIVE!!! So why would they need Braille on a drive up ATM? That is the last place Braille should be placed. But if a blind person were actually able to get all the way to a drive-up ATM, without hitting the building, a deer, or a small child, then they deserve to not only use that ATM, but they deserve all the money in that ATM, and also to be arrested. BECAUSE BLIND PEOPLE DON’T DRIVE!